


Unsteady

by canigetuhhh



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Kuroo is confused and sad, Kuroo is kind of a whore, M/M, Multi, Multiple Pairings, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamory, Short Chapters, Suggestive Themes, Teenage Drama, everybody lives close together for plot convenience, more characters will come in later, other minor Kuroo pairings will come in later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-12 05:09:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15332466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canigetuhhh/pseuds/canigetuhhh
Summary: Kuroo tries to figure out who he is while those around him struggle to keep up.In other words: Kuroo is confused and can't make up his mind. He doesn't know what or who he wants, and he makes a lot of bad decisions.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't write often at all; this is for my own entertainment more so than anything. Sorry if it's a train wreck, I don't have anybody to proofread/edit for me. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> (Get ready for weird ass metaphors that make no sense.)

Kuroo’s and his sister are having fish for supper. Kuroo loves fish, he always has, but he doesn’t feel like eating. 

He thinks that’s how it started.  
____________________

The sound of a carton eggs smashing on the floor, followed by Aiko groaning wakes him up. He tosses his pillows aside and picks up his phone. It’s 11:12, and he has several texts from Lev pestering him about volleyball practice. Kuroo is not wasting the last of his weekend coaching that mess. He’s already not looking forward to the out of nowhere evening practice that Kai wanted to have. He gets out of bed to help Aiko clean the eggs and whatever else she may have broken. 

“Ah, sorry. I woke you didn’t I?” She looks up from the floor with a sticky fist full of eggshells. 

“S’fine. You want some help?” 

“You can start breakfast if you want.” She passes Kuroo the few eggs that somehow didn’t shatter after the 5 foot drop. Kuroo takes them. He stretches, and his shoulder cracks in an awful place. He winces.  
____________________

Kenma has been off lately, Kuroo thinks. He’s known Kenma fightningly well since they stumbled into each other a few years back, however he can still be hard to read. Kenma is both grossly consistent and unpredictable at the same time; It’s dizzying. Kenma is currently giving the pavement a very stern look as they walk back from practice.

“You thinking about something?” Calmly, Kenma looks up at him. 

“I’ll tell you soon.” He continues his staring competition with the street. Kuroo shrugs; he assumes it has something to do with Karasuno’s redhead but knows not to push Kenma about it. 

“I’m gonna go pick up some eggs for Aiko before I head home. I’ll see you Monday.” 

“Okay, Kuroo.” Kenma turns to leave without looking back at him. 

Aiko seemed like she was having a tough morning, so he gets her a box of earl grey tea along with another cartoon of eggs. His sister is endlessly talks of the benefits of drinking tea; Kuroo, personally thinks the taste isn’t worth the stress relief and weight loss that Aiko brags about. 

Suddenly, he’s in the doorway. He doesn’t remember the rest of the walk home, and didn’t hear the obnoxious noise his keys make when he takes them out of his pocket. He sits the eggs and tea on the counter and goes to his room.  
____________________

Kuroo is reading over his notes for the inevitable “surprise” quiz in english on Monday when his phone rings. He answers, and hears much more excitement from Bokuto than he was prepared for. Kuroo snickers.

“Hey, Bo. What’s up?”

“What’s up? It’s Saturday night, Konoha brought me Vodka, and you aren’t here to drink it with me!” Kuroo presses his fingertips into the bridge of his nose and smiles. 

“Yeah, you’ve got a point. I’ve got some shit to do but I’ll be over by nine.” 

“Sick! See you then my man.” He hangs up. 

How could Kuroo not expect a call from Bokuto on the last night of the long weekend? He tries to study for another 10 minutes but gives up. He cleans off his desk, eats some of the stir fry his sister made and heads out.

Seeing that Bokuto’s parents car isn’t in the driveway, he braces himself for a wild night. He lets himself into the Bokuto residence, and calls out to him but he doesn’t answer. When he rounds the corner, he sees Bokuto with headphones in dancing like he’s already got a full bottle of Vodka in him. Kuroo rips out his phone and tries to open snapchat, but Bokuto notices him first. 

“Hey! You fucker, you weren’t going to film me where you?” Kuroo puts a hand to his chest.

“I would never.” They both laugh.

“Konoha left to pick up Akaashi and some of his other friends, he’ll be back in a few minutes.” Kuroo briefly loses himself in the fizz of the 7-up that Bokuto mixes with his alcohol. Bokuto passes it to him and Kuroo feels the harsh carbonation weave between his teeth and tongue. It burns deep in his throat like sharp nails on tender skin; Kuroo scratches the itch harder. 

____________________

On Monday, Kenma confesses. 

“Kuroo, I think- um. I may be in love with you.”

It’s out of nowhere, and it was hardly a confession, really. Kenma still isn’t sure what he’s feeling and god knows Kuroo doesn’t. He still sits on his doorstep from when he came home 10 minutes earlier. He stays outside; Aiko would see right through him, and Kuroo doesn’t want to talk about Kenma until he understands it himself. He eyes the puddles on the street; somehow, he relates to them. Water floods into his ears, and his vision is muddy. He wishes he knew how deep the water was. 

Kuroo turns to check the time, and a young girl splashes her rubber boots in the spills in the street. He goes inside.

Aiko is arranging fridge magnets when she sees him. Kuroo blinks and raises his eyebrows. 

“I can hear you wondering why I have these. A friend of mine was going to throw them out so I decided to take them.” She smiles. Their family says they look alike; their friends say they don’t. Kuroo sees it once every so often if he squints. 

“I’m sure my friends will be delighted to see that now they can spell slurs on our fridge with pink and yellow letters.” He can tell Aiko has caught on to the difference in his tone, but thankfully she leaves it. Generally she knows that if he really needs to tell her something, he will. 

The carpet pulls him to the floor in a secluded corner in his room. He examines everything surrounding his new thinking spot. There’s scrapes on the legs of his desk, and the drywall threatens to give in after all the times his rowdy friends have stumbled into it. He picks up what looks to be the back to the earring that Terushima lost a few weeks back. He blindly places it on his desk, and his knuckle bumps one of Kenma’s DS games. 

Kenma. 

Kuroo doesn’t love him. He feels something, he thinks. Kuroo has never felt fully invested in anyone or anything. He thaws and freezes over and over again, never taking the same shape. Parts of him evaporate and get lost in the atmosphere; he doesn’t remembers the moisture he loses.

He’ll talk to Kenma after school tomorrow.  
____________________

“I’m not sure where my head’s at, but I don’t want to lose this opportunity. Since neither of us know what we want, why don’t we just try it for a few weeks?” Kenma plays with the grass. 

“Try it…?” 

“Yeah, start doing things a couple would do to see how it feels.” 

“Hm. Sit still for a second.” Kuroo does, and he feels the faintest touch of Kenma’s lips against the lower part of his left cheek. He burns up, closing his eyes tight and resisting the urge to cover his face.

“I liked that. Did you?” Kuroo clears his throat, but stumbles over his words anyway.

“Um, yeah I guess.” Kenma’s expression stiffens and Kuroo wants to kick himself. 

“It’s not a matter of if I liked it, it’s a matter of whether I think it’s a good idea. From a moral perspective, you know?” Kenma eyes him, his face is hard to read.

“Isn’t that why we’re trying it?”  
____________________

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Bo.” Kuroo’s voice sounds funny when he talks from the way he lays upside down on on his bed. His head hurts too; he should sit up, but he doesn’t. 

“You’re smart, man. You’ll figure it out. Kenma isn’t going to fall apart if this doesn’t end up working.”

“How can you know that?” Bokuto shrugs. 

“Just make sure to keep talking him, he knows what you’re like and the shit you do.” Kuroo’s head spins and his throat tightens; he sits up.

“Which is why I can’t understand what he sees in me. I’m not good for him.” Bokuto finishes his fizzy candy and props his head on his hands. Kuroo notices a splinter in his hand, and picks it out. When did he get that, anyway? He drags his nails against the surprisingly sensitive skin of his palm. Bokuto joins him on the bed and he jumps.

“Dude? You got like, four texts. Didn’t you hear your phone?”

He didn’t.


	2. Chapter 2

Kenma presses himself into Kuroo’s side a tiny bit harder when he focuses on catching a bug. He’s playing some version of animal crossing in english. He’s been studying english on his own for a few months now, he said it’s so he can play english games that haven’t been translated.

It’s been something like a month and a half since Kenma ‘asked him out’, Kuroo doesn’t know exactly how long ago. Kenma probably does. 

Graduation is coming up, and Kuroo has been too tired lately to even acknowledge it. A lot of his friends are the same way, there’s not much of a point in stressing over graduation; It’s just one day.

“I caught the grasshopper.” He looks over at Kenma’s little character holding his bug net. Animal crossing is very cute; Kuroo likes the music and the frog that drives the boat.

“That guy looks like Karasuno’s shorty.” Kuroo points to the cat with the red helmet on the screen.

“Kid Cat?” Kenma starts laughing. “Shouyou doesn’t look like that.” Kuroo loves when he can make Kenma laugh. Kenma doesn’t laugh much, and when he does he usually covers his mouth because he doesn’t like his smile. Kenma doesn’t cover his face around Kuroo. He feels Kenma shake with laughter into his shoulder and wants to shatter into tiny pieces. 

It’s been a month and a half but Kuroo still doesn’t feel right.  
____________________

Despite going to different schools, Kuroo lives surprisingly close to Bokuto. The two of them and Akaashi were supposed to be studying for finals, but given that Kuroo and Bokuto are in the same room that’s not what’s happening. The two of them wrestle on the floor while Akaashi scrolls through twitter, waiting for them to cooperate. Kuroo almost has Bokuto pinned when Akaashi interrupts. 

“Kuroo, I think your phone is ringing.” He’s awful at checking his phone. He gets up to see that Kenma is calling him. 

“Hey, what’s up? You usually don’t call.”

“I texted you but you weren’t answering and mom was getting impatient. She wanted to know what colour tie to get me for prom.” Wind blows hard through the curtains in the kitchen. Kuroo closes the window, he hates the way wind sounds; it hurts his ears. 

“Oh shit, sorry. Uh, my tie is like a purple-red-brown colour so something like that I guess.” 

“Burgundy?” He hears Bokuto knock something over in the other room.

“Yeah I think so. I’ll send you a picture of it when I get home.” 

“Okay, thanks.”

“Is that all you called for? You didn’t call because you missed me?” He pouts, even though Kenma can’t see him.

“I haven’t really thought about it.”

“Think about it now?” Kenma pauses.

“Alright, yeah I suppose I miss you. Aren’t you supposed to be studying though?” He stiffens; Kenma always manages to know when he’s not doing something he’s supposed to be. 

“Probably. I’ll text you tonight then, okay?”

“Okay. See you.” Kuroo goes back in Bokuto’s room to see that he broke one of the shelves on his bookshelf. 

“Jesus.” He says quietly.

“Hm?” Bokuto turns from trying to get the shelf back in place.

“Nothing. Where’s Akaashi?” 

“I think he said he was going to his car to get something. He told me but I can’t really remember.” Kuroo kneels down to help pick up books.

“Dude, you’ve got a sick bruise.” He gestures at Kuroo’s shoulder. 

“Being marked up because of you isn’t anything unusual.” Bokuto huffs a laugh and smirks.

“Don’t be gross.” Kuroo smiles a bit and stacks Bokuto’s unused textbooks back on his shelf.

“Hey, Kuroo. Are we still allowed to like... do that stuff?” He looks over. 

“What do you mean?”

“Well, now that you and Kenma have something going on?” Kuroo stills. He hadn’t thought about that. 

“I think he still expects me to do that stuff but I don’t know. I’ll ask about it.”  
____________________

 

A few days pass. Kuroo floats with the days lazily while other people nearly drown. He graduates in 6 days. He sits empty headed and waits for all of the parties that are bound to follow graduation. Kuroo needs to get out and see people, he’s been stuck inside with Kenma for ages. Being inside with Kenma isn’t bad of course, but he needs to run off somewhere new to rid himself of boredom. He makes a mental note to text Terushima to see if he’ll be throwing any parties. 

Kuroo isn’t sure where he stands on Terushima. He loves hanging out with him, but Terushima has made a lot of questionable decisions. A lot of Kuroo’s party friends aren’t very good influences but they give him the social time that he desperately needs. He tries to cling to his maturity for Aiko and Kenma’s sake, but his friends don't make that easy. 

The bell rings and ends his literature class. He packs his things and heads off to practice. If nothing else, volleyball will take him out of his mind for a few hours.

Kenma meets him outside of the gym and gently grabs his hand. He looks especially happy today.

“Hey, Kuroo.” He kisses the top of Kenma’s head. 

“You look like you’re having a good day.” Kenma nods as they head to the club room to change. They’re the first ones there. 

“My teacher was impressed with how I’m doing with english. She’s proud of me for working on it on my own time.” Kuroo’s shorts get caught on his ankle. 

“I told you that you were doing really well. I’m glad she’s seeing that too.” Kenma nods. Kuroo hears his phone buzz in his locker. He opens it to see that Bokuto has sent him a picture of him and Akaashi’s dog captioned with kissy faces. That reminds him.

“Hey um, Kenma?” He pulls shirt over his head and turns. Kuroo eyes his stomach before his shirt comes down.

“Yeah?”

“You know the stuff that me and Bokuto usually do right? Uh, he was wondering if we’re still allowed to do that. You know, now that you and I have something serious going on.” Kenma’s expression doesn’t change, he turns back to search through his bag.  
“I’m not here to control you, Kuroo. What you do with your friends has nothing to do with what we have.” He hears Kai and Yaku coming, and Kenma gives him a look that says ‘we can talk more about it later if you need to’.


	3. Chapter 3

The sky is just starting to lighten when Kuroo wakes up. He wakes so suddenly that he thinks he was having some nightmare that he can’t remember, but the sensitivity in his pyjama pants suggest otherwise. He doesn’t dwell on it. His head feels like static and he wants to keep sleeping, but his hand moves down anyway. 

Kuroo’s sex drive has been getting out of control recently. He can’t decide whether or not he wants to bring it up with Kenma. He’s always assumed that Kenma wasn’t into that kind of thing, but he’s been surprised by a lot of Kenma’s behavior. Kuroo doesn’t think about anyone, he focuses purely on the sensation to finish himself. 

Kuroo feels disgusting. He never feels this way after doing those things, but now that Kenma is in the equation there’s a lot more to it than just an orgasm. He doesn’t know how to deal with it, so he tries to forget it instead. If it worries him enough, he’ll accidentally tell someone without thinking first regardless. 

He throws his arm off the bed, and scrapes his knuckle of the side of his bed frame. His shoulders tense, and he brings his arm back up to feel his knuckles. His fingers are the slightest bit wet, so he wipes his knuckle on the sheets and rolls back onto his stomach.   
____________________

Kenma picks at his band-aid. Kuroo stares off into the trees that line the streets across the road from the school courtyard. 

“How’d you cut your hand?” Kuroo thinks about the night before, the fogged up memory his hands on himself before he scratched them up on the side of the bed.

“I can’t remember.” Kenma pulls out his phone. Kuroo wonders if he could tell he was lying. 

“Do you want to stay the night at my place after prom?” Kenma looks at him and his face softens into a smile.

“Yeah. I’d like that a lot.” Kuroo pretends he isn’t blushing; Kenma smiles wider. 

Prom is tomorrow night. Kenma’s family were delighted to know that the two of them are going together. They helped with arranging all the suits and flowers so thankfully he and Kenma didn’t have to worry about it. He hopes Kenma has a good time, massive social gatherings have never been ideal for him, so Kuroo hopes he can make it easier. 

Lev rounds the corner much faster than he has any reason to and ruins their moment.

“Hey Kuroo-san, Kenma-san, I got us candy!” He holds out a bag; Kenma exhales. 

“Kuroo doesn’t like candy, Lev.”

“He likes these ones though?” Lev pours small watermelons into his hands. Kuroo likes sour gummy worms and a very specific kind of banana taffy. Kenma, knowing this, takes the watermelons. Lev stacks more of them on Kuroo’s leg.  
____________________

Bokuto eyes the smear of blood on his bedsheets and wiggles his eyebrows. 

“Nice, dude.” Kuroo does an equally smug face in response even though he has no idea what Bokuto is implying. The two of them communicate almost entirely in stupid facial expressions; Kuroo loves it. 

Fukurodani’s prom was 2 days ago so Bokuto is going to Nekoma’s prom too. Kuroo had to miss Bokuto’s because of exams, but Bokuto insists it’s not a big deal. The two of them fight with pinning the flowers to their suits while Aiko helps Kenma’s with his hair in the other room. 

Kenma seems excited about prom. He looks great in his suit and Kuroo feels a lot more sentimental than he thought he would. 

He zones back in when he realizes it’s time to go for pictures. Kenma takes his hand and Kuroo braces himself for a long night.  
____________________

“Kuroo, let’s go home.” Kenma’s eyes are dark. Kuroo nods. 

There’s only 20 minutes left of prom. Kuroo has to track down Bokuto first because he’s their drive; he finds him flirting with the vice president. He doesn’t want to ruin whatever chance Bokuto may have with her but Kenma looks impatient. 

“Hey Bo, Kenma wants to head back. You ready to go?” 

“Yeah, sure.” Bokuto waves to the girl as they make their way to the entrance. 

“Sorry, didn’t want to screw up whatever was going on with her. You know how Kenma gets.” Bokuto finds his suit jacket and struggles to put it back on. Kuroo carries his.

“Man, things were going nowhere with her. Don’t worry about it.” They see Kenma tapping at his phone by the doors. Bokuto is still half dancing as they walk through the parking lot. He dives for the auxiliary cord and Kuroo knows that prom isn’t over until Bokuto is out of sight. Bokuto blasts his shitty music and Kenma recoils.

Kenma is unbelievably antsy by the time they get out of Bokuto’s car. Once Kuroo has said his goodbyes to Bokuto, Kenma is already in the house. He didn’t think Kenma was having that bad of a time but apparently he was wrong.

He gets to his room and the lights are off. The light from the hallway makes him able to see Kenma standing in the middle of the room fidgeting. Before Kuroo can decide what to say about prom, Kenma’s hands are on him.

“Nnnmm, Kuroo.” He mumbles into Kuroo’s neck while his fingers drip down his stomach 

“Kenma, I- what are you...” He feels lightheaded.

“You looked so good at prom and I just-“ teeth scrape Kuroo’s neck and he shudders back against the door. Kuroo feels Kenma’s hips move towards his; Kuroo presses his hand flat against Kenma’s chest to separate them. He exhales and feels himself losing his balance.

“Hey, um. I love you so much but this really doesn’t feel right. Right now I just, we haven’t talked about this and you know…” Kuroo stumbles over everything he’s trying to say and Kenma stares at him. He’s quiet for longer than Kuroo is comfortable with.

“Okay. I’m going to get changed.” Kuroo feels guilty but nods anyway. He goes to the bathroom to change and wash his face. He slouches over the sink and wonders why he said any of what he just said. He should have reacted differently. 

By the time he comes back, Kenma is already pretending he’s asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

“Do you think I’m good for Kenma?” Bokuto glances up from his sub.

“Christ dude, where does this keep coming from?” Bokuto looks sympathetic; the expression doesn’t fit his face very well. 

“I don’t know. Something kinda happened on prom night that I feel weird about and I haven’t talked about it with anybody.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kuroo presses his fingers into the back of his neck. 

“No. I’ve hardly thought about it.” Bokuto slumps his head against the palm of his hand. 

“I’m not really sure what to tell you. I’ve never been good at understanding this stuff either.”

“It’s alright Bo, I don’t expect you to understand me if I don’t understand myself.” Bokuto frowns. Kuroo spins the straw in his drink.

“This whole thing with Kenma has really changed you, man.” 

“Is it good or bad?” 

“I wouldn’t say it’s bad but it doesn’t seem very good either. You’re a bit more uptight.” Kuroo lays his head across his forearms on the table; Bokuto is right but he doesn’t know what to do about it. Neither of them say anything for a short while. 

“I think you should talk to Kenma about whatever happened. Ask him why he hasn’t brought it up?” Kuroo nods and reaches across the table to drag his fingers across the top of Bokuto’s hand.

“Alright. Thanks for your help.” 

“Hey, tomorrow is Friday; all the prom parties are gonna be this weekend. You’re still going with me and Teru, right?” Bokuto becomes visibly less tense when Kuroo smirks and nods at him.  
____________________

Kuroo eyes the small beagle outside of school while he waits for Kenma. Even though things have been weird between them for a few days, they still walk home together. Kenma meets him and doesn’t say anything, just starts walking. Kuroo breathes in.

“Hey, do you want to hang out today? We haven’t seen each other since prom.” Kenma’s face stiffens even further when he hears ‘prom’. 

“You want to talk about the other night, don’t you?” He says it as more of a statement than a question because he knows he’s right.

“It’s probably a good idea.” Kenma shrugs and keeps playing his phone. They walk in silence until Kenma leads him to his house. Kuroo makes polite conversation with Kenma’s mother when they first get there. 

“I’m not fragile; you don’t have to be careful with me. I know what I want and I’m not going to break if something goes wrong.” He’s hardly even in the room yet. 

“Oh, uh. I get that and all but I just really don’t want to fuck this up, you know? I’m trying to make sure we don’t do something stupid. You know what I’m like, I do a lot of stupid shit without thinking.” Kenma slumps onto his bed. 

“You’re overthinking this. I know how to take care of myself, you can calm down.” Kuroo exhales and spins in Kenma’s desk chair. Kenma’s desk always seems to look both messy and organized at the same time. 

“As long as you’re thinking it through. Don’t do anything because you think I want it.”

“Yeah, okay, I know; let it go already. I need you to help me practice my english.” Kenma’s cat bites at Kuroo’s feet.  
____________________

It’s seven in the evening. Kuroo has already emptied two and a half bottles of Bokuto’s black cherry hard lemonade. 

“Hey man, how many of those are left?” Kuroo stares between the one in his hand and the bottle still in the box. He snickers when he sees Bokuto with his arms stuck in the shirt he’s been deciding if he wants to wear or not.

“Uh, like one and whatever's in here.” He waves the bottle in Bokuto’s direction. He stands in front of his full body mirror and Kuroo wonders if you can drool with your mouth closed. He feels more tipsy than usual given how little he’s drank so far. Bokuto sees him staring and winks.

“Come over here you fucking brute.” Kuroo gestures for him to sit in his lap. Bokuto looks both confused and impressed for a brief second before he saunters over.

“Nice to see you in character. Haven’t seen this Kuroo in a while.” Bokuto slides a hand up Kuroo’s arm and takes the bottle from him.

“I invite you over here for a good time, and you steal my alcohol.” Bokuto laughs. Kuroo snakes his arms around Bokuto’s hips and starts to kiss him. Bokuto relaxes and a comfortable amount of his weight sinks into Kuroo.

Kuroo and Bokuto have always been great at kissing each other. Bokuto matches him well and their pace is always satisfying. Bokuto isn’t a great kisser in general, but he knows how to kiss Kuroo. Bokuto’s phone buzzes on the floor and he pulls away, smiling against Kuroo’s lips. 

“It’s Terushima. He wants to know when we’re going out.” 

“Is it because he wants help cleaning his gross apartment again?” Bokuto huffs a laugh and Kuroo watches his shoulders bounce. 

“Probably, yeah.”

“Tell him we’ll leave in like, a half hour.” Kuroo scrapes his hands across the bed sheets, not knowing what to do with his hands now that Bokuto is out of reach. He starts getting dressed and Kuroo can faintly hear his senseless rambling about some action movie he wants to see. Kuroo’s weight falls sideways on the bed. 

“So what do you think? I think the girl is going to die in the end but I’m not really sure because-” Bokuto stops when he can visibly see that Kuroo isn’t listening.

“Sorry Bo, can’t we just make out for a while? I’ve been talking so damn much recently, I’m sick of talking. I don’t want to think for a while.” Bokuto looks a bit defeated but he knows how Kuroo gets when he drinks. Bokuto agrees and grabs the bottle he took from earlier; he drinks the rest of it all in one go and makes his way back to Kuroo. They half-lay, half-sit and kiss like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Kuroo feels the most relaxed he has in weeks. The heat from the alcohol and the feeling of Bokuto’s tongue against his lips makes his blood in his arteries run faster to his fingertips. 

Kuroo trusts Bokuto with his life; he’s never once seriously doubted Bokuto. Of course Bokuto does dumb shit and breaks things all the time, but he has never done anything that’s really hurt Kuroo or screwed him over. Nothing seems to go wrong with Bokuto and Kuroo loves that. Never having to worry because everything with him just works out somehow. Sometimes Kuroo wonders if it’s him that he’s supposed to be in love with. 

He stops himself before those thoughts have the opportunity to snowball into anything. All that matters right now is the taste of his best friend and the night that’s ahead of them.  
____________________

Bokuto guesses it’s about eight twenty when they make it to Terushima’s apartment; Kuroo was very handsy for nearly all of the half hour drive. Akaashi, who came with them as the designated driver, pretended that he didn’t see Kuroo’s hand cover every inch of Bokuto’s thigh. Bokuto tries to carry all the drinks by himself and nearly loses all of it in the driveway; even after that he still insists on carrying it all himself. Bokuto is constantly finding inane ways to assert dominance. It never works. 

Terushima flies out the door and greets them excitedly before they’re even at the porch. 

“Hey, guys! I’m already fuckin’ pumped about tonight.” He looks to have just gotten out of the shower; his shirt is inside out. 

“So are we, dude. How much shit do we have to clean up before everybody else gets here?” Terushima does the awkward laugh he does when he gets called out. 

“It’s not that bad, I mostly need help with getting the music set up; I got new speakers last week and I can’t figure them out.” He leads them inside.  
Bokuto and Akaashi know a fair bit about sound gear, Akaashi plays bass guitar and Bokuto plays drums so they leave the speakers and whatnot to them. Kuroo helps Terushima clean up and hide any valuables that could get destroyed by whoever is showing up. The two them make a playlist while Bokuto manages all the drinks and gets out the solo cups.

“Who’s all going to be around tonight anyway? Akaashi asks from across the room.

“Uhh, I can't really remember. The Jozenji guys and Hana will be here, the Seijou third years said they were coming, Daichi and Sugawara are coming and maybe brining some people.” He picks up his phone and checks his text history. 

“Tendou and Semi should be here, and I told Konoha and Komi to show up. Some of the other Shiratorizawa guys might come.” Bokuto says from behind the counter. Kuroo wonders if he should have invited Kenma. 

“Well whatever, people will show up. I told everyone to come at 9:30” Kuroo takes out his phone and prepares to text Kenma for the next twenty-five minutes.


	5. Chapter 5

Kuroo and Akaashi are sharing a box of strawberries they found in Terushima’s fridge.

Terushima was right, people did show up. Futakuchi and who Kuroo assumes is the Date Tech manager came with the Seijou third years, and Daichi brought half of Karasuno with him; they’re probably celebrating their recent victory. Kuroo doesn’t know everybody but he picks up on some names here and there. Terushima is especially impressed with amount of girls that showed up; there’s a few girls he doesn’t know and Daichi brought their manager, and the captain and vice captain of the girls volleyball team with him. 

Bokuto and Terushima make their rounds flirting with everybody who will give them the time, which is a surprising amount of people. Sugawara, Hanamaki, and Oikawa are up dancing with the girls and the Fukurodani boys. Kuroo waits for Bokuto to start challenging people to out-drink him; Bokuto gets especially competitive when he’s drunk. 

Kuroo has hardly drank at all since the party started, he did most of his drinking with Bokuto earlier. He doesn’t really feel motivated to drink just yet for whatever reason. Everyone else is steadily making their way past tipsy, and Kuroo is excited to see what will unfold once a handful of them get drunk enough. Given that Tendou and Nishinoya are here, there’s no way that the night will end without a few body shots being done.

Kuroo eyes the blond picking his nails at the end of the sofa; he remembers him from training camp. Kuroo drinks the rest of whatever Bokuto mixed for him and makes his way over. 

“Hey, Tsukishima; funny seeing you here. You’re a bit out a place, aren’t you?” He regards Kuroo with a look of indifference. 

“I had nothing better to do. Wanted to get out of the house because my brother is home.” Kuroo isn’t sure how to follow up, given that Tsukishima completely ignored the tease in his tone. 

“Couldn’t convince freckles to join you?” Kuroo sits on the arm of the couch, further invading the blond’s space.

“Yamaguchi is babysitting his nephew tonight; he wanted to come with me.” Tsukishima is currently having no part of whatever Kuroo is trying to achieve. Kuroo isn’t even sure what he was going for when he came over to him.

“Yeah well, I’ll be around if you get lonely.” He makes his way back to Terushima, feeling a weird mix of guilty and frustrated. Kuroo is in a very kissy mood. He just wants something simple to sooth his cravings for physical contact.  
____________________

Kuroo half wonders what time it is. He thinks it’s been an hour since they started drinking games; he just excused himself from a game called “paranoia” to mix himself another drink. Tsukishima is on the other side of the counter texting someone. 

“With a mouth like yours I’d think you’d be better at talking to people, Tsukishima. How can you be so clever but socially a disaster?” Kuroo dribbles his pepsi on the counter and laughs at himself. 

“I’m not socially a disaster, I just don’t care much for the people here. They’re a lot more fun to watch than to talk to.” 

“What about me then? You don’t want to let me near you for whatever reason but I’m a real delight to chat with.” That one earns a grin from the blond across the counter. 

“I know what you’re like, Kuroo-san.” He slouches his elbows onto the counter and gives Tsukishima a look.

“You’ve conversed with me, like, three times. Give me a chance, huh? I’ll make it good for you.” Kuroo raises his eyebrows. Immediately after, Tsukishima takes his drink from the table and drinks about a third of it. Tsukishima stares him down; Kuroo is thoroughly confused. 

“I have to make a phone call. I’ll be on the porch if you can’t find anyone else to hit on.” He leaves like nothing happened. Kuroo feels like he hallucinated at least half of that conversation. 

“Why are you trying to get with that guy, man? Don’t you have a blond at home?” Terushima is missing an earring, and he has a cut on his neck. Kuroo doesn’t bother to ask.

“Not a natural blond.” He winks. Terushima plays along.

“How do you know the Karasuno guy is natural?”

“Eyebrows, dipshit.” Terushima looks towards where Tsukishima went and narrows his eyes. 

“That makes sense, yeah.”  
____________________

It’s got to be at least one thirty, Kuroo thinks. He’s incredibly off balance and has felt too warm for the last hour. Looking in the bathroom mirror, he sees that he has two different colours of lipstick smeared across his lips. He remembers the purple shade belonging to a girl who also put lipstick on Sugawara. He wonders if he got it from kissing the girl who owned it or kissing Karasuno’s vice-captain. Kuroo doesn’t particularly care either way, it’s all in good fun. He goes back out and Akaashi finds him shortly after.

“Hey. You okay with leaving soon? I have a really bad migraine.” 

“Oh, yeah sure. What time is it? I don’t have my phone.” 

“It’s almost two. I think Bokuto had your phone last.” Kuroo looks around to see Bokuto dancing with Daichi and Yui. 

“I already told Bokuto we’re going soon. If you want to let whoever know you’re leaving go ahead. I’ll be in the car, take Bokuto with you when you come out.” 

Kuroo helps Bokuto finish his drink and the two of them whine their goodbyes to the rest of the crowd. Kuroo hardly remembers to get his phone back from Bokuto, who thankfully did have it. Kuroo blinks a few times and suddenly he’s in the backseat of Bokuto’s car.

“Who’re you texting, Akaashi?” Bokuto leans in way farther than he needs to so he can look at Akaashi’s phone; Akaashi doesn’t move.

“Ennoshita; he came with Karasuno’s captain. I spent a fair bit of time with him and their manager since they weren’t drinking either.” Akaashi puts his phone away and Kuroo launches upright.

“You were chatting up Karasuno’s manager?” Bokuto looks equally envious; Akaashi doesn’t react and pulls out of the driveway.

“I was not chatting her up, no; I was having a respectful conversation with her and Ennoshita. She’s a lovely woman, though.” Bokuto searches through the floor of his car for snacks and reappears with cheese and crackers. 

“You’re goddamn right she’s a lovely woman. Should have got her number for me if you weren’t looking to get anything out of it.” Kuroo cackles in the back seat, and ducks away from the cracker that Bokuto throws at him.

“I think she’s seeing someone. She kept talking about this younger girl she’s been talking with at school.” 

“That’s hot.” Bokuto comments through a mouthful of cheese and crackers. 

“Bokuto-san, don’t be insensitive.” Bokuto mumbles something else with his mouth full, presumably “sorry”. Kuroo falls asleep soon after.


	6. Chapter 6

It’s noon when Kuroo wakes up. He’s in his own bed, and he vaguely remembers getting there himself. He grabs around for his phone to see that he has 21 unopened texts; he drops his phone back in the sheets and rolls over. He remembers giving his phone number to a few people; a couple of girls and one of the Shiratorizawa guys asked him for it. He thinks he forcefully wrote it across Tsukishima’s bicep with a purple sharpie.

He lays around for a bit before he gets up to shower, grabbing his phone on the way. He sees a handful of texts from people he met at the party, including Oikawa Tooru; He wonders if it was smart to let Seijou’s captain have his phone number. Kuroo looks at the rest and his stomach tightens. 

He has 16 texts from Kenma.  
____________________

“Afternoon, Tetsurou.” Aiko says from her spot on the couch. She sees Kuroo and her expression changes; she closes her laptop and puts it on the counter. 

“You don’t look too good.” Kuroo sits across from her.

“Can I get your thoughts on something?” Aiko nods.

“Kenma is kind of pissed at me. He’s been texting me constantly about what happened at the party, I guess he saw a bunch of videos of the party and wasn’t happy with it.” 

“Well what did he see?” Kuroo slouches deeper into the chair and tilts his head back to look at the ceiling. He runs his fingers up and down the side of his phone, trying to decide if he feels guilty or pissed off.

“I don’t know, the usual party stuff I guess. People kissing each other and being handsy because they’re drunk and playing stupid games.” 

“And you were one of those people kissing and being handsy with the others, right?”

“Well I mean yeah, I do that stuff at every party. Kenma never said he had a problem with it before. That’s just what happens when a bunch of people go out and start drinking.”

“I understand that, but you need to make sure you know what Kenma is and isn’t okay with. You’ve gotta think about how he feels seeing you kiss random girls you just met and then laugh about it.” Aiko tries to mask her emotions but Kuroo knows she’s disappointed in him. His phone falls out of his hand and hits the carpet a few inches down.

“I just don’t get it, none of this is new for me. I moved in with you because I wanted to do my own shit and not have people try to control me.”  
“Maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship, then.” Kuroo sits quietly for a few minutes. His phone buzzes on the floor a few times and he can only assume it’s Kenma. 

“I’m sorry, I’m not angry with you. However, Kenma has every reason to be hurt. You guys need to talk.”

Kuroo is so sick of talking.  
____________________

After several hours of silence, Kenma starts to apologize. This causes more trouble and Kuroo tries to explain his side of things in several large chunks of texts. It’s 8pm now, and Kuroo’s wrists are stiff from texting Kenma all day. 

Kenma had told him before ‘it’s not my job to control you’, how can he be getting mad about this now? Everybody who knows Kuroo knows that he does a lot of shit for the sake of having a good time and doesn’t mean anything by it. 

Daishou’s birthday party is in a week and a half. Kuroo promised he would go, and honestly really wants to. He has a week and a half to try to figure something out with Kenma. Maybe he’ll just take Kenma with him; that could either go mildly okay or very very bad. Kuroo struggles to remember if it’s Aiko or Kenma that hates Daishou.

Akaashi texts to ask Kuroo what's going on; he ignores it. He’s not about to explain himself again. In hindsight, he shouldn’t have been passive aggressive on all of his social media accounts, that’s practically asking for people to get into your business. He has a headache from his phone screen and decides he’s going to go to sleep.  
____________________

For three days straight, Kuroo talks. He talks, he thinks, he wonders, and he runs scenarios through his head one hundred different ways and over again. Currently, it’s day four and he’s taking a break from all of it. He and Kenma sit at the kitchen table playing scrabble. Kenma’s cousin runs between rooms talking to himself and making weird noises. 

“Vitality.” Kenma puts his tiles on the board, with the ‘Y’ on the double letter square. Kenma insists upon having ten useable tiles instead of seven because he says it’s more fun. Kuroo thinks it’s so that he can brag about how good he is. This is the third time in twenty minutes that Kenma has spelled a seven letter word or larger. Kuroo slouches and searches for a word that isn’t ‘nob’. He’s been waiting to spell zebra with his Z tile for about eight turns. 

“Joint.” He places his tiles excitedly and Kenma tries not to look surprised at his word choice. Kuroo is digging around for more tiles when Kenma’s cousin comes over.

“When are my parents coming?”

“In about an hour.” 

“I want them to come now; I’m bored and you aren’t fun.” Kenma doesn’t react, Kuroo stiffles laughter.

“You can play scrabble with us if you want to. I’m really bad so you can help me try to beat Kenma.” Touma climbs into Kuroo’s lap.

“It’s my turn right?” It was Kenma’s turn, but the six year old starts grabbing tiles anyway.

“I’m going to spell Eddie because that’s the name of my dog. He’s a chihuahua and he tried to eat my sweater last week. Have you ever had a chihuahua named Eddie try to eat your sweater?” Kenma gets up and leaves before Touma finishes.

“My sweater was red and had a bear on it. I got it for my birthday last year from my friend. When is your birthday, Kuroo? I bet you didn’t get a sweater that was cool like mine.”

They don’t finish their game of scrabble.  
____________________

Touma’s parents show up at eight, which is later than they said so Kenma is especially grumpy. Kuroo has never minded kids, but there isn’t much Kenma hates more than babysitting. 

“Do you want to go get milkshakes?” Kuroo looks up from texting Oikawa, a bit surprised.

“Um, yeah sure; if you want to.” Kenma is already putting on his shoes. Kuroo fidgets with the blue glow stick that Kenma’s cousin put on his arm.

Things seem to be getting better since what went on Friday night. Kuroo figured that if he and Kenma spend some casual time together things would work themselves out, and it seems to be working. Kenma is looking more comfortable as each hour passes. He chats about some game that he wants to play as they walk. Kuroo thinks about what kind of milkshake he’ll get, he’s stuck between mint chocolate and butterscotch. Kenma gets strawberry as usual, and tries to make Kuroo drink some, as usual. 

They sit at the small cafe for a few minutes and drink their milkshakes. Kuroo swivels his chair and his eyes catch the cute waitress every so often. Kenma looks at videos of cats on instagram. They don’t say much, but they’ve always been that way; they spend a lot of time together where they silently enjoy each others company.

“It’s cold in here, let's go.” Kenma stands and takes hold of Kuroo’s hand; he can tell by Kenma’s face that he’s in an affectionate mood. It’s started to get dark outside so their walk is romantic and peaceful.

“We should watch that horror film Shouyou was telling me about. I heard it’s awful, but we should watch it anyway.” Kuroo exhales.

“I don’t know what’s worse, you and horror movies or Bokuto with his action movies. There’s only so much I can take.” Kenma smiles.  
____________________

Kuroo is basically asleep by the time the movie ends. He rolls over and prepares to discuss the movie he paid no attention to.

“Did you like it?” 

“I was mostly asleep but it was the same as any ‘found footage’ movie. There was a lot of comedy tied into it though which I appreciated I guess.” 

“I really liked the whole concept of it, the idea that none of the doors lead to an exit is really powerful given that they’re in a hospital for the mentally ill. It’s a great metaphor.” Kuroo wonders how Kenma can pick all this out so easily. Kuroo can hardly remember the title.

“Yeah you have a point. What was the movie called again?”

“Grave encounters. You really can’t pay attention, can you?”

“Sorry, my attention span has been shit recently.” Kenma puts his laptop on his desk and takes off his sweater.

“It’s alright, thanks for watching it with me. We should go to sleep.” Kuroo groans into his pillow.

“It’s too warm and I can’t move.” Kenma pushes him and digs the blankets from underneath him. He takes Kuroo’s shirt off for him and puts it on the floor. Kuroo mumbles ‘thank you’ into the mattress. Kenma presses a small hand flat against Kuroo back.

“How are you this warm? It’s not even hot out tonight.” Kenma is trying to cuddle up to him so he rolls on his side. 

“Stop asking me so many questions, I need to sleep.” Kenma laughs and presses his forehead into the back of Kuroo’s neck; his hands are cold against Kuroo’s side. Kuroo falls asleep with the glow stick still on his wrist.


	7. Chapter 7

Kuroo’s phone buzzes on the table. ‘I don’t think you understand how hard it is to get permanent marker off your arm.’ It’s from a number he doesn’t recognize, and after a minute or two he realizes that Tsukishima finally decided to text him. He wonders why it’s so long after he gave him the number in the first place; the party was on Friday and it’s Wednesday now. Kuroo entertains the thought that Tsukishima was nervous about talking to him.

‘Tsukishima? Finally decided to text me I see’ He sends his text and continues eating his omelette while he waits for a response. 

‘Didn’t have anything better to do.’ How clever, he thinks. Of course Tsukishima won’t admit to wanting to talk to him. He makes casual conversation for a bit, and asks if he’ll be going to Daishou’s birthday party. Daishou’s parties are always open to anyone whether Daishou knows them or not. Kuroo hopes Tsukishima will go, he wants to see him again. 

‘Why would I go? I don’t really like parties and I also don’t know Daishou personally.’ He has a point, but Kuroo hopes that he can charm him into going.

‘Because I’m going to be there obviously. Daishou’s parties are open to anyone, you can even bring freckles with you’

‘Idk. I’ll think about it.’   
____________________

“Another party? Already?” Kenna’s expression tightens and he looks off to the side. 

“I know, I’m sorry. It’s just that it’s Daishou’s birthday and I already said I’d go, I never get to see him and-“ 

“I know, Kuroo. But how can I know what you’re going to do at this party? Especially if Daishou is there.” Kuroo inhales and wonders how he’s going to sway Kenma. It’s hard to change Kenma’s mind once he’s against something; Kuroo is really going to have to work for this.

“You can come with me?” 

“No, thank you. I just don’t want to hear that you carelessly slept with some girl you hardly know. If intimacy means nothing with other people, how can it mean anything with me? There’s hardly any point in having me around if that’s the case.” 

“But that’s not the case, I’m not into any of them.” 

“Then why do all this with them? What makes it different? What makes me different, Kuroo?” He picks at his fingernails quietly, trying to come up with a way to defend himself. Kenma lies across Kuroo’s bed and looks off at nothing in particular. Kuroo drags his hand across Kenna’s shoulders; they're both quiet for at least five minutes. 

“I’ll think about it, or something. I don’t know, Kuroo. I don’t understand why this is something you need to do.”

“I need a lot of social time and I don’t know, the stuff with other people is to just keep me from going crazy out of boredom. I need to feel connected to the rest of the world, you know?”

“I know. I’ll try to accept that this is just what you need to do. I really wish it wasn’t Daishou, though. Didn’t he drug a girls drink at a party recently?” Kuroo’s eyes widen.

“What? Where did you hear that? Daishou isn’t... he’d never- he wouldn’t do that to somebody.” 

“You didn’t know? Yaku told me, and almost everybody has heard. Doesn’t seem too out of character for him.” Kuroo presses his fingertips into the space between his eyebrows. 

“I’ll ask about it, I’m sure it’s a huge misunderstanding.”   
____________________

Kuroo hears the out of breath gasps of a girl he doesn’t recognize; the voice isn’t familiar and he can’t see her face. She has brown hair that spills down onto her chest, her long legs curve into gorgeous hips, and it’s then that Kuroo understands what’s happening. She whimpers again and the hand around Kuroo’s throat tightens; her weight presses down onto Kuroo’s thighs. He can’t think about anything except for how good she feels against him, and as much as he wants to know who she is, he can’t see enough. 

Kuroo’s conscious and unconscious mind claw at each other while the brown haired girl’s moans increase in volume. Kuroo isn’t moving, thinking, or even seeing right now. He feels dizzy and like the whole room is slightly crooked; his weight sloshes back and forth. The girl starts saying something to him but he can't hear her anymore. The sound is blocked out by someone crying on the other side of the room; Kuroo tilts his head and the figure comes into focus. It’s Kenma.

When Kuroo wakes up, he can’t breathe; his muscles are stiff and he’s sweating. He realizes what happened and presses both palms against his face; he digs around for his phone to see that it’s nearly six in the morning. Kuroo runs through the dream he just had and before he can get halfway through he feels disgusting.

He stays in bed for quite a long time before going to the bathroom to dry heave.  
____________________

“Man, what if our dorm is like, haunted.” Kuroo closes his eyes and exhales, then looks up from his notebook. 

“We haven’t even seen the place yet. If it is haunted, that’d be sick, but we’ll have to find that out when we get there.” 

“I have a good feeling. I’ve predicted it.” Bokuto digs his spoon farther into his jar of salsa; Kuroo has gotten used to many of Bokuto’s weird eating habits, but his love for salsa isn’t something Kuroo knows how to deal with. 

“Well if we’re going to get into this college in the first place we need to memorize your shit. I helped you make your flash cards, now use them.” 

“Can’t we take a break? We’ve been studying for the entire afternoon.” Bokuto continues to fill the side of Kuroo’s notebook with badly drawn cats. 

“I only came over at two, and you played street fighter for almost an hour before you even got your stuff out. If we’re gonna waste our weekend at Daishou’s party we have to earn it first.” 

Bokuto makes some attempt at studying quietly while Kuroo’s mind wanders. He wants to go to Daishou’s party and have a good time, but now he has to watch everything he says and does for Kenna’s sake. Kuroo half wonders why he’s dating Kenma in the first place; Kenma is in introvert and Kuroo is an extrovert. Kuroo wants to put himself out there and meet people, but Kenma wants to stay inside and keep Kuroo to himself. He doesn’t like thinking about it, but maybe he’s not in love with Kenma; maybe he’s dating Kenma because it’s what Kenma wants. 

Kuroo never knows what he needs. Almost like he’s a bomb; he doesn’t know what any of the switches or buttons do, and any move could detonate him whether he expects it or not. Kenma keeps cutting wires. 

Kuroo chews the end of his pen; Bokuto has been staring at the same paragraph in his notebook for ten minutes. Kuroo tries to make himself study but something in him refuses to focus. The same string of thoughts that Kuroo wants to ignore keep slipping out.

Kenma is not funny. Kenma is not interesting. Kenma is not exciting. Kenma is simply somewhere quiet for Kuroo to go when he wants to talk about his problems. After that, he runs off to someone else for what Kenma can’t give him. 

Kuroo’s phone buzzes; it’s Tsukishima.

**Author's Note:**

> Brief hiatus because I’ve suddenly gotten a lot of commissions and need to complete them before a deadline. I’ll come back to this as soon as I can!


End file.
